So, I haven't eaten (bear with me), but I am home and settling in. And feeling utterly out of place.
For reasons I can't entirely go into, this weeklong trip was quite a life changer, and I'm still processing all of what happened. But the one thing I see clearly is that I got what a vacation should really be - a break from the life you know. LA isn't like the east coast, and my experience of it wasn't what I expected. In some ways it really appealed to me, in others, I couldn't relate to it at all.
But you go away, and you come back, and you have to resume a life that suddenly seems unfamiliar. You can recognize the sets and costumes, kind of remember your lines... but this isn't the story you suddenly belong in any more. And it's a struggle, really, to remember why you're going about things the way you do and why should continue in just that way.
So let me put it this way: I got a glimpse of a completely different life for myself this past week, an alternate universe that was, in many ways, as appealing if not more so than the one I have now. And now here I am, back in what is supposed to be my life, without a lot of the familiar guideposts of why it is I do what I do... when really, I could and should be doing something else.
Now, I think I'll go eat something, because that might help me sound more coherent.