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July 23, 2008

And So Are You In Something Backless

Two weeks ago, while house sitting for friends in Manhattan, I had the opportunity to catch the ever enticing morning lineup on Lifetime (Television for Women... and Gay Men. Still). This meant two back-to back episodes of The Golden Girls. I made it through about half of one (you know the oneGoldengirls460 where the gals get into some misadventure... and hilarity ensues.... Oh wait), and then fell back to sleep halfway into the next.

It's odd to realize that for seven years, four older women were the hottest stars on television (well, five actually; Angela Lansbury was also top ten at the same time), commanding top salaries and holding a network to their demands.  It's also worth remembering the power of the Golden Girls - which did not leave TV as a ratings failure - and other shows when people say "nobody wants to see older people in the leads", or when suddenly no women are holding the leads on their own shows. Women actually do want to see other women, even older women, in the main roles.

I don't have much to say about Estelle Getty, who passed away yesterday, just shy of her 85th birthday (is it indiscreet to say she was the likely one of the four to pass first?). But it seems a shame not to say anything. I've never been in the cult of the Golden Girls (I'm not that gay... or that woman), never really loved the show, and thought it beat a fairly innocuous premise into the well worn ground. What saved it, always, was the insane amount of talent thrown at the material: four veteran comic actresses, all in top form. And though all the performances devolved into caricature, that didn't mean they didn't know how to zing. Especially Getty, who often had the most tart responses, whether insulting Blanche's life as a loose woman, or continually putting down her daughter Dorothy (the title of this post comes from a line J always loved, which I believe in full was "that's pretty scary" which she says to Dorothy, "and so are you in something backless.").

Like all The Golden Girls, she won an Emmy -  but just one - for Sophia... but was nominated every year. And while she's gone, she never really will be. One thing the show is, at least for my lifetime (television for women and gay men. always) - is timeless. Also, a little scary.

July 22, 2008

Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing In The Shadows?

Well, I didn't intend to go four days without posting, and my thanks to the 3 or 4 diehards who refuse to give up on me (especially my best friend J, who posted the flowerlude - and can we just say how beautiful his flower photos are - and wrote to make sure I wasn't dead).

I'm not dead... but I'm struggling. Some of it is.... well, personal, and I really won't be sharing it here (that's not my way); some of it is also personal, but part of the political scene as well. So I thought that would be as good a place as any to start.

As you might guess, since I talk about being a Starbuckian, my income is not what it once was, or what it needs to be. No disrespect to Howard intended, but it's hard to get by on a small hourly wage and the kindness of strangers (a/k/a tips). What started as a merely interesting moment of feeling somewhat strapped has gone on to a feeling of being generally destitute. And it's hard, not so much because of all the things I can't have or do - in the end, you come to appreciate that unnecessary things are, well, unnecessary - but because writing (when I am writing) is providing so much joy, it's hard to contemplate giving that up to chase extra income.

So Saturday, I didn't write because Jennifer and I were traipsing around my nab, window shopping... which was very nice, as we both try to enjoy a new spirit of "look, but don't buy", and really, that makes for an entertaining afternoon trying on sky-high Ferragamo shoes at Nieman Marcus. It was blazing hot, and eventually, the whole day was lost to travel and meeting people, and when I ultimately got home it was too late to really blog effectively.

Sunday, I worked, and that's where I - and my co-worker - discovered this awful story on the front page of the Times, Gretchen Morgenson's admirable attempt to tie together the corporate interests in the debt crisis with an actual individual story.  That the story itself was incredibly sad (and a little predictable), only made the sense of identification all the more vivid. A single mom who got herself way too deep in debt, it looks as though she will lose everything... and still owe on her debts.

And she's not alone.  I think the story affected me more deeply than I first thought, because the idea of even writing about it stranded me for another day. Until this morning when I saw David Brooks follow up on his "debt culture" column with another, fairly dead-on assessment of the problem:

On the front page of Sunday’s Times, Gretchen Morgenson described Diane McLeod’s spiral into indebtedness, and now a debate has erupted over who is to blame.

Some people emphasize the predatory lenders who seduced her with too-good-to-be-true credit lines and incomprehensible mortgage offers. Here was a single mother made vulnerable by health problems and divorce. Working two jobs and stressed, she found herself barraged by credit card companies offering easy access to money. Mortgage lenders offered her credit on the basis of the supposedly rising value of her house. These lenders had little interest in whether she could pay off her loans. They made most of their money via initial lending fees and then sold off the loans to third parties.

In short, these predatory companies swooped down on a vulnerable woman, took what they could and left her careening toward bankruptcy.

Other people emphasize McLeod’s own responsibility. She is the one who took the credit card offers knowing that debt is a promise that has to be kept. After her divorce, she went on a shopping spree to make herself feel better. After surgery, she sat at home watching the home shopping channels, charging thousands more.

Free societies depend on individual choice and responsibility, those in this camp argue. People have to be held accountable for their indulgences or there is no justice. As McLeod herself admirably told Morgenson: “I regret not dealing with my emotions instead of just shopping.”

If you go to the online comment section affixed to Morgenson’s article, you see advocates of these two positions talking past one another, one side talking the morality of social protection and the other the morality of personal responsibility.

Brooks goes on to argue that there's a third way to look at this: that our culture helped make being in debt seem the norm, made consumption the objective (mass luxury), and changed our decision making and our behaviors.  It';s a way of saying... we all bear some responsibility in this.

I suspect many people will be put off by Brooks - he's already got a passionate set of detractors - but I think this is a moment where he's getting it right: finding the center, and saying that as much as anything, we need to be a better society made up of better people with a better value system. That's going to seem, to many on the left especially, like a moral judgment about people like Diane McLeod. But the point is... we are all like Ms. McLeod.

The problem with the debt and mortgage crisis story, I've thought all along, is that it brings out the distinction makers - "I didn't do that," "that's not me," "those people should have known better." Myself. I think people who amassed massive credit card debt really should have known better, but with mortgages I think many people were swindled by banks and lenders who did not explain in enough detail what these mortgages meant to people who did not understand what they were signing on for. But in any case, what's already happening is that, on the margins, in the shadows... people are starting to lose everything. And if we don't get conscious to the problem soon, we will all be facing it.

July 15, 2008

Wanna Buy Five Copies For My Mother

For some odd reason - yet to be explained - my Mom's copy of The New Yorker hasn't arrived yet (she's a subscriber - oh, come on, like that's a surprise); thus, both of us had to wait until it made the news to discover the controversy of the cover.

Now, I haveNew_Yorker_Obama my Obama issues, but this one is actually one where I kind of have to agree: the artwork is amazingly offensive, at least from what I can tell. Playing up the worst perceptions of stereotypes about the Obamas (he's a Muslim terrorist sympathizer! she's an anti-American radical!) may seem witty on the Manhattan Cocktail Party Circuit... but out here in Elsewhere, we've got people actually believing this nonsense. Thus, the "this is satuire that plays on people's extreme fears" stuff misses an important point... this isn't really satire.

i tend to think satire has become the ugly stepchild of humor these days - lots of people claim to like it, or know how to do it... but few really do. Satire, sadly, is not saying some snarky, asinine thing about something you don't like and then laughing as if it were funny. That's just being mean... and something of a jerk. Liberal that I am, I tend to blame conservative "humorists" for this sad state of affairs; the dark strains of bitterness and sarcasm that have animated much of the right's approach to political debate in the past 15 years or so have done little to lift the discourse, or improve the state of our humor generally. But with4561cfd3-9b6e-4f0d-94db-dad22c1ec0a9 lefties moving into the ascendancy, I can see I was too narrow, and lately, that same sort of unfunny bitter sarcasm can come just as jarringly from left as right.

Look, I'm about as dry and upscale as my humor as you can be - browsing Mom's New Yorkers, I'm still surprised how many times I laugh at especially Manhattanite notions of humor - but this thing isn't funny (and PS, am I the only one thinking "that looks more like Angela Davis than Michelle Obama"?). It's more that notion that shock and outrageousness sells papers, and controversy - any controversy - is good publicity. Perhaps the best news is that the New Yorker flap disctratcted me from the mag cover that really had me offended - that glamour shot with no text that Jann Wenner put on the cover of Rolling Stone. It's clear that an Obama Presidency will be a real sea change in our humor nation; comedy is far enough along that making fun of the black guy for being black will seem inappropriate, and Obama's deification has clearly put him out of reach of a lot of comedy. And surprisingly, for me anyway, I think that's probably not such a bad thing... a deification rules go.

July 09, 2008

Shameless Self-Promotion: Redstar Election Edition

While Weboy prepares for tonight's movie extravaganza (he likes to arrive early, get settled, there's a post in here somewhere in which he lays it all out) - I thought you all might want to take a look at the brilliance I've been leaving behind at The Hillary 1000.  I'm not sure how many of you are partisan enough to pop over there regularly.

Check out this post about that Boston Globe article criticizing public-private affordable housing developments done on Obama's watch in Chicago and how it relates to Obama's donors failing to live up to his pledge to help retire Clinton's primary debt.  I found the Globe piece "salacious" and overreaching, but also think it, along with this donor problem, points to a problematic lack of follow through by the Senator.  (There's also a worthwhile link in there re: Obama's urban policy proposals.)

Check out these two pieces breaking down Obama's campaign donors, by gender, organization and industry

And my H1K co-blogger Red Queen and I were interviewed by The Black Snob about our preferences for Obama as former Clinton supporters.  The Black Snob just won The Best New Political Blog and The Best Political Blog Overall by Black Politics on the Web, so you might want to leave her a shout-out while you're over there. I LOVE TBS, though clearly she wasn't up against our man Weboy in that race!

- Redstar

July 07, 2008

That Act Is Getting Old

Summer's here and the time is right... for news that's not really news.  Thus, we New Yorkers have been Christie b treated to a breathless daily feed from the ins and outs of Christie Brinkley's divorce from Peter Cook, a/k/a Husband #4. Cook, as readers of the Post and Daily Snooze well know, got caught having a teenage mistress, which led to the unraveling of a whole life of clandestine affairs and assignations.  That has been bolstered, in the past few days, by revelations of Spitzer-like levels of paying for adult entertainment (some $3,000 a month for various internet sites, including ones where he appeared to others on webcam).

The real news, of course, is that Brinkley has looked smashing throughout, younger than her years, dressed to the nines... all set to work again. Or marry again. Brinkley always struck me as one of those odd examples of marital repetition - you turn around, and suddenly she's on husband number four and it's like... how did that happen? Wasn't she married to Billy Joel (number two - not counting the Moet et Chandon heir she was dating who died before they married)? And really, once you get to number four... how many illusions can you have left?

Meanwhile, vying for space on the tabloid pages has been a week of yet Madgemore rumor and innuendo, this time that Madonna - she's a singer, for you kids who may not know - has been"canoodling" (I always always wanted to use the famous Page Six word) with... A-Rod (he plays baseball... in case you don't follow sports). That news seemed to underline months of rumors that Madge's marriage to Guy Ritchie was all but over (she's been in New York rehearsing her latest tour for that largely forgettable album she just released... he's been anywhere else, mostly); but  apparently, it came as news to A-Rod's wife, who promptly jetted off to Paris (weekend photos in the Post and Snooze), started an affair with Lenny Kravitz (oh never mind) and today filed for divorce.

Sure, it's fun to write like Rona Barrett... but really, does any of this matter?

Continue reading "That Act Is Getting Old" »

June 19, 2008

Everytime I Breathe, Everytime I Try To Leave

So here I sit in Towson, Maryland, typing away at another Starbucks.  I had hoped to mention traveling - or at least to have done a joint post with the J in town... but that didn't happen. Sorry for the silence.  As Red notes, all the important news happened in the sports world, anyway.

Except, maybe, for the loss of Cyd Charisse.

In any case, as Red noted overnight, it's a moment of feeling a bit beaten down. J and I had a long conversation - all evening, really - about coming to grips with Obama. I try to come up with ways to get comfortable myself... and nothing seems to work. If it's not the tired rhetoric of his Father's Day speech, it's the dull, conventional nature of his advisement choices (I don't necessarily have the issues others do about his economics team... but his foreign policy team is dull dull dull).

Perhaps more instructive was the man who struck up a conversation with me waiting for the Light Rail to bring me to J. He's a painter by profession, 32 years, and work's been hard to find. First day he'd worked in 3 weeks, he told me. When I said "Vacation?" he laughed bitterly and said, "if only."

Continue reading "Everytime I Breathe, Everytime I Try To Leave" »

Beat Down

After an hour on the phone with the man, I'm realizing as this day comes to an end how beat down I'm feeling by the subtleties of discrimination in all its nefarious forms.

This election season has driven home with brutal force what most of us who are non-white-able-bodied-straight-affluent-men experience on a regular basis: the subtle dismissals, devaluations, and discounting of our worth.  Clinton has been martyred for the rest of us, and many still want to debate whether there was sexism in the campaign, and if so, how bad was it really, anyway?  C'mon now.  I'm sure "likable enough" is just arrogance, pure and simple, not couched in a gendered context in a patriarchal society.  And surely Whoopi wasn't talking about colorism on that coffee-klatsch The View?  Is that what I just heard?  Colorism?  What's that?  Aren't they just gabbing, those black and white ladies?  We do live in a color-blind society, right?

Continue reading "Beat Down" »

June 17, 2008

Kind Of Restores Your Faith In Humanity...

I tend to feel that most gay people don't know enough about our history; it's a history, after all, that comes out of the shadows, and has been fraught with fears of violence, and mistreatment at the hands of the law.

Which is why, I feel that much more wonderful about celebrating San Francisco's first gay wedding: last night, Del Martin married Phyllis Lyon. Martin and Lyon founded The Daughters of Bilitis, the first national organization for lesbians in this country, and published a crucial newsletter, called The Ladder, which, for many women, was their first connection to a community of similar people.

Martin and Lyon have been together for 55 years. And really, what else is there to say?

June 16, 2008

Daddy Loves You... Daddy Loves You...

I have to admit that part of the reason I am a sucker for Country Music is the "Daddy songs" - play me "That's My Job" or "Love, Me" and I just break down and weep. Seriously. In the car, driving along, tears streaming down. Good times.

Similarly, Will Smith caught me short when he released "Just The Two Of Us" - his reworking of the Bill Withers song as an ode to his son Jaden, culminating in exhortations of "Daddy Loves You, Daddy Loves You".

And now, here I am, tearing up as I write this.

Last year, at this time, I wrote about my Dad. He died almost twenty years ago (there's another country song to cry to - Kenny Rogers' "Twenty Years Ago"), and he and my Mom had separated years before that. My mom worked really hard to raise me and my sister, and the sacrifices she made were tremendous. It would be easy for me to say Father's Day is about my Mom... but that's not true.

Continue reading "Daddy Loves You... Daddy Loves You..." »

June 12, 2008

The Kennedy Endorsement That Matters (Or WWJD)

In contemplating whether or not to write a "post mortem" on the primary, I've found myself unable to say that we're really at a point to evaluate. Too much, it seems to me, of the "how he did it" or "how she lost" evaluations that came out this week was the way they fed the all too American need to have our history here, now, in easy to digest form, so we will never have to look back on it again. And it's not that easy - there are things we don't know (some we can't know) about developments behind the scenes, what motivated several key players, and the like. Saying confidently "he won because he did X" or "she lost because she failed to do Y" seems too easy, just now.

And if I have to hear another round of Clinton-opposing women say now that sexism is a problem... I'll just scream.

I was reminded of all of this, doing the aforementioned dishes, catching up on last weekend's podcast of Washington Week. One of the especially painful aspects of the primary season has been that Gwen Ifill, a woman I've respected tremendously, and whose success as a key Washington reporter has been heartening generally, has failed me over and over this primary season, unable, really to conceal the kind of natural preference for Obama so many reporters share, and letting that color her coverage. That was true in her "post mortem" discussion, one where Clinton did no right, and Obama did no wrong.

Still, one interesting observation that came up was when Dan Balz pointed out that "Kennedy's endorsement was key," and it occurred to me that I agreed that a Kennedy endorsement was key.

Just a different Kennedy than most.

Continue reading "The Kennedy Endorsement That Matters (Or WWJD)" »