I'm coming up on the fourth anniversary of my experiment in blogging, and as always, at these milestones, I'm not where I expected to be, and a little weirded out. When I started, the idea of writing a daily blog seemed interesting and exciting, even a little challenging... but I was sure I'd have lots to say. And I kind of did.
Yet here I am, today, nearly four years later, with an oddly inconsistent exercise, and more than a little struggle to find topics to carry on the conversation.
When I headed out to LA this past week I knew my plans would make blogging challenging... but after a couple of weeks of pretty intense times at work, I figured I had enough of a backlog of ideas that I could balance the projects in California with a need to get back to the writing I was genuinely starting to miss.
As it turns out, I was incredibly busy in LA, with no time to put to writing outside of the writing I was doing for others. And, by the time I got home, I was yet again worn down and in need of some serious rest and removal of pressures.
And so it goes. I don't mean to dress this up as some familiar whine about feeling down for not writing enough; after all this time, and in the past few months especially, I begun - though just begun - to respect the balancing act in my life between writing and the rest of the work. I write when I can, I write because I have to... but for now, the process is erratic, and even inconsistent. And that's the reality I have to live with. The rest of my life - which in many ways, I had kind of put on hold - keeps moving, things keep happening... and I want to be a part of them.
Three years ago, when I went to LA for the first time, I was struck by the different vibe of Southern California, the one about which I'd heard so much, but didn't entirely believe. I came to believe, and came to realize that life holds a myriad of possibilities; and for me a life in California wouldn't be the opposite of the life I have in New York... but it would, in its way, be an entirely different exercise.
I still felt that, this time, though one of the amazing experiences I had then, and the person I met, is gone, now only a memory. In his place, I went and built new experiences, new memories, and still, the idea of a life, a completely different sort of life, has its pull. Lots of things do.
Yes, this is one of those rambling, slightly incomplete exercises in trying to explain what happened, where the time goes (and went), how I came to spend so much time offline and away from the writing I do, honestly, still love to do. Something about having to have the experiences to write about them, about how I am not moved, these days, by familiar arguments on the same tired politics, how a week spent largely free form news and current political affairs was a week where, I'm pretty sure, I didn't miss much. This one is about the higher things, what happens when you fly, when you fly away, and try to remember what's really sacred, and what's worth letting go.
I'm going to keep writing, and yes, I'm going to keep searching for that elusive balance between the life I live outside of the blog and the time I need to write about it. It isn't easy... but the things that can be let go, that don't really matter to me aren't about the need to write... it's realizing what I need to write about. Because on the right topic and with the right balance... I can soar. And if that difference makes any sense to you... then you, too, are probably reading in the right place. Still. Thanks for paying even a modest amount of attention.
Now I just have to go out and do the work.
Yet here I am, today, nearly four years later, with an oddly inconsistent exercise, and more than a little struggle to find topics to carry on the conversation.
When I headed out to LA this past week I knew my plans would make blogging challenging... but after a couple of weeks of pretty intense times at work, I figured I had enough of a backlog of ideas that I could balance the projects in California with a need to get back to the writing I was genuinely starting to miss.
As it turns out, I was incredibly busy in LA, with no time to put to writing outside of the writing I was doing for others. And, by the time I got home, I was yet again worn down and in need of some serious rest and removal of pressures.
And so it goes. I don't mean to dress this up as some familiar whine about feeling down for not writing enough; after all this time, and in the past few months especially, I begun - though just begun - to respect the balancing act in my life between writing and the rest of the work. I write when I can, I write because I have to... but for now, the process is erratic, and even inconsistent. And that's the reality I have to live with. The rest of my life - which in many ways, I had kind of put on hold - keeps moving, things keep happening... and I want to be a part of them.
Three years ago, when I went to LA for the first time, I was struck by the different vibe of Southern California, the one about which I'd heard so much, but didn't entirely believe. I came to believe, and came to realize that life holds a myriad of possibilities; and for me a life in California wouldn't be the opposite of the life I have in New York... but it would, in its way, be an entirely different exercise.
I still felt that, this time, though one of the amazing experiences I had then, and the person I met, is gone, now only a memory. In his place, I went and built new experiences, new memories, and still, the idea of a life, a completely different sort of life, has its pull. Lots of things do.
Yes, this is one of those rambling, slightly incomplete exercises in trying to explain what happened, where the time goes (and went), how I came to spend so much time offline and away from the writing I do, honestly, still love to do. Something about having to have the experiences to write about them, about how I am not moved, these days, by familiar arguments on the same tired politics, how a week spent largely free form news and current political affairs was a week where, I'm pretty sure, I didn't miss much. This one is about the higher things, what happens when you fly, when you fly away, and try to remember what's really sacred, and what's worth letting go.
I'm going to keep writing, and yes, I'm going to keep searching for that elusive balance between the life I live outside of the blog and the time I need to write about it. It isn't easy... but the things that can be let go, that don't really matter to me aren't about the need to write... it's realizing what I need to write about. Because on the right topic and with the right balance... I can soar. And if that difference makes any sense to you... then you, too, are probably reading in the right place. Still. Thanks for paying even a modest amount of attention.
Now I just have to go out and do the work.
Happy Anniversary!!!
Posted by: Leigh | September 09, 2010 at 12:05 PM
oh wait was this the anniversary blog? oops.
Happy anniversary!
Posted by: jinb | September 18, 2010 at 07:40 AM