The last few times I've had the flu - which have not, despite my theatrics, all been in the past month - I've noticed the change from "well" to "sick" mostly by my head: the minute I start to feel, um, "fogged up" in my head, I know there's something wrong.
The fog that descends, I've discovered, is when I can no longer pretend to be just "muddling through", it means stop, rest, take it easy. And I try, honest, I do... but I hate downtime, and I hate having to slow down... as I've said here, more than once. But I listen, I stop, I rest a bit... and just kind of hate life for a while.
The fog makes me feel stupid. It leaves me lying in bed for half a day, watching favorite TV shows on DVD, or catching 3 hours of reality television (I've gotten strangely hooked on "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" on Bravo - eek!), trying to decide which of the bums on that episode of Maury actually is the father of the baby, or seeing for another hour if Oprah really does know the secret to leading a better life (so far... no. Or yes... be rich like her). I forget how to cook, how to shop, how to eat sensible meals on a regular schedule. And my hair looks like hell.
Even more striking to me is that, once I rest and let the illness run its course, there's a moment when the fog lifts. It's usually a day or two ahead of the other physical symptoms - the cough, the stuffy head - but once the fog lifts, I can pretty much resume my normal life, kind of where I left off. I can by some groceries. I can wash my hair. It's a miracle cure!
If there are things I wished I figured out sooner in life - aside from the one where people will pay you to seem dumber than you actually are - this is probably a big one. If I'd figured out this "foggy mind" stuff, I feel like I could have saved a lot of wasted time over the years.
I don't generally go through life with regrets - my own feeling (I swear) is that if I'd done things differently, always done what people expected, or the way I was told... I wouldn't wind up where I am... which, despite the various economic hardships, and the occasional illness, seems like a pretty damn fine place to be. I like my life, I like myself. You can ask for more.... but I think it's kind of greedy.
In any case, the fog has lifted, and here I sit, with a bunch of things I meant to write: a clutch of movie reviews, some discussion of the current state of television, some politicval stuff. And then there's stuff that's been sitting in my browser, which I meant to get to eventually - musing on the irony of Ezra Klein chiding Peter Orszag's acting in his own self interest, or writing about this one, or this one, both of which I think coud use some discussion.
The nice thing is... I can do that now! I'm feeling better! Life doesn't suck! The fog has lifted... and really, after that, you can see for miles. And that's the view I really like most.
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