Getting back to writing turned out to be more of a... well, I'm not really sure what it was. Saying "obstacle" or "challenge" makes it sound painful, and it's not, really. However much I complain (mostly to myself), doing the writing and seeing the result is personally very satisfying. I've missed t.
But getting back to it was... difficult. I got out of the habit. I am actually a strong believer in "write every day" but as the time to write dwindled, the energy disspated, and the habit was lost. And it's hard to get back. I think of many things I want to say - criticism, commentary, and fiction, too... but the idea of starting, somewhere? Hard. The expectations? High. Too high, probably.
I also didn't, and don't, want to write a lot about "what happened" in the sense of examining life over the past year or two. Things were idfficult, they were stressful. I don't think I realized just how stresful until I made the decision to leave my job. Once I knew I was leaving, work became much easier - Clue #1. Knowing there was an end in sight was incredibly freeing. And once I left, I realized some things. Like I needed to rest, and give myself a few breaks - Clue #2. And gradually, I've come to see that restarting my creative energies - like the creative energy that fuels my writing life - takes time to reignite. And one day, yesterday, I just knew it was time and it would be okay. Start writing again. Let the juices flow.
Getting back to writing hasn't been easy. And maybe this life lesson is more defined by what it isn't than what it is. This isn't beating myself up for the time I've missed. This isn't resuming a punishing schedule of writing just because I need "discipline." This is just me finding my way back to a more peaceful state of mind, and getting back to the things that fulfill my sense of purpose and bring me joy. Saying what I need to say. Finding the time to say it. Letting it be what it will be.
Life is full of uncertainty at just this moment. I don't know what comes next. I have to get another job, soon. Yet, this place - the place in my head that I've come back to just in the past month - is a place I'm happy to be in, to get back to. Seven years ago I built myself this space and I'm really proud of the wirting I've done, excited, again, at the prospect of the writing I will continue to do. So it took a little while to get into the right head space. Now it's just time to get on with it.
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